Would You Like That Omelet With or Without Toenails?

I told you earlier in the month that for June, I’d be blogging about “what I write and how I write it, with maybe just a few random things thrown in for good measure.”  Consider this post one of those random things.

Today’s Throwback Thursday has absolutely nothing to do with writing.  Except that right now, I’m writing about it to tell you.  But I do think it’s good for a laugh.

My ex-husband was a character, to say the least.  One of the things he used to do that bugged the crap out of me (besides cheating on me and smacking me around) was he would clip his nails and leave them on the floor wherever he was.  Ewww!  It was completely nasty!

One time when my daughter was four and my son was an infant, I laid a blanket on the floor for Jeremy to lie on, when lo and behold, there was a nasty pile of finger and toenail clippings!  I put Jeremy back in his crib and got out the vacuum and cleaned the floor before I could get Jeremy back out to play.

Meanwhile, Stefani was watching… and listening.  As I got the baby and laid down his blanket, I was grumbling more to myself than to anyone something to the effect of, “I swear if I find one more pile of his nasty toenails on this floor, I’m gonna put them in his omelet!”

A few days later, Jeremy was admitted into the hospital (where he spent a great deal of the first two years of his life), and I was with him every minute.  While Jeremy and I were gone, Stefani stayed between my house with her dad and my grandma’s house.

A few days after that, Jeremy was released.  I picked up Stefani, and we went home.  As expected, her dad wasn’t there, but part of him was…  Yes, lined up on top of the television was a perfectly straight row of over fifteen finger and toenail clippings!  Ewww!

As you can imagine, I was quite grossed out, and I started ranting out loud, something to the effect of, “Well, what the heck did he do now?  This is just disgusting!”

And that’s when my four-year old little peacemaker proudly walked up to me smiling and said, “I did that, Mommy!  I didn’t want you to feed them to Daddy in his omelet.”

So tell me… What do you like in your omelet?  Are you one of those people that eats ketchup or tabasco on scrambled eggs?  What’s your favorite breakfast food?  Did this story make you laugh?

Four-Year Old Stefani

41 thoughts on “Would You Like That Omelet With or Without Toenails?

  1. You have a unique way of making me laugh Rachel – almost a delayed punch line style that although one knows there will be a twist or turn at the end you still want to get there and thus discover what it is. More importantly your stories are true – what I do is stuff I’ve made up. Great post.

  2. Where you went from floor to omelet is a wonder to me, Rachel. You should be a novelist.

    My omelets consist of the usual. Ham and cheese. Western. Bacon and cheese. Italian if I’m feeling adventurous. I like eggs over medium, bacon and/or sausage links on the side, wheat toast or English muffin. Then there’s the fretta/frittatta, which you may have encountered in your upstate New York days, the conglomeration of scrambled eggs, home fries, pepperoni, sausage, peppers, onions. It’s the kitchen sink of breakfasts, and I don’t order it much anymore. It’s simply too heavy, what with the potatoes.

    Nail clippings. No thank you.

    • It came from months of taking his crap. He called me fat one too many times (when I was a size 5) so I started making him milkshakes and put half a dozen raw eggs and a scoop of “weight-on” powder in them every night! I liked your breakfast at The Pancake Man! YUM! But now, you have me wanting home fries . I miss all the diners we had in NY. They don’t really have any like that down here that aren’t chains.

      • Your ex was a real doozie, Rachel.

        I used to love the home fries, but the diabetes thing has me watching carbs, and so potatoes at breakfast, not so much anymore.

        Yes, New York State is quite known for our great local diners, aren’t we?! Get with it, Florida! You’d think some ex-New Yorkers would start them up down there.

  3. What a sweet story! I had to room with my cousin for a while, and he used to do the same thing with his toenail clippings.. it bugged me to death! Never thought of feeding them to him, though… kinda wish I’d thought of it!

  4. Great story! What a sweet little girl you have.
    I usually have oatmeal for breakfast–maybe an omelete for brunch or dinner. No ketchup! (I sometimes make a frittata for dinner–sauteed onions, red pepper, spinach, parmesan cheese with homemade artisan bread. One of my favorites!)

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