Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

Why do I write psychological thrillers?  I think because my Autistic mind works so differently than the average mind, they draw me in.  I can relate to the characters.

The Dr. Seuss book Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! doesn’t even begin to cover the peculiar things I thought as a kid (not to mention my weird thoughts as an adult).  Last month’s story about my sister cutting off my hair when she was sleepwalking sparked a lot of discussion as well as a Throwback Thursday memory for me.

Up through the time I was in kindergarten, I had very long, thick hair.  But I was tender-headed.  So every day while my grandma attempted to rip my hair from my scalp when she pulled it into such severe ponytails that it made me look as if I had a face lift and made my follicles bleed, I cried mercilessly.

Me at 3 1/2 years old. See that long hair?

I guess that’s why Grandma’s ears perked up one day when I was in the first grade when I came home from school and announced that I wanted my hair cut just like my best friend, Lynn Davidson’s.  Lynn had a short bob with bangs.  Lynn also had thin, wispy, cotton candy, flyaway hair that was naturally curly.  (Can you imagine where this is going already?)

Grandma did not hesitate to jump on my request.  She never drove, so we either walked or took the city bus or a taxi cab just about anywhere, which was a major source of embarrassment to me.  To this day, I refuse to set foot in either a bus or a cab, though I do love subways.  But I digress.  So she took me by the hand, and we ran like our beds were on fire down to the salon that was in the shopping center where we bought groceries.

Once I was in the seat, grandma instructed the lady to put my hair in a ponytail and “cut it off!”  (Yes, she wanted to save the ponytail…  How gross!)  When I saw the end result, I was mortified!  My hair looked nothing like Lynn Davidson’s!  I screamed and jumped out of the chair, then ran out into the courtyard and flung myself on a bench and bawled while Grandma laughed nervously and made excuses for me to the perplexed stylist.

Me at 6 years old. This is a few months after THE HAIRCUT. (The hideous wide collar is hilarious. You can see where Grandma tried to trim the bangs herself. What did she use, garden shears?)

How could Grandma have listened to a barely six-year old kid?  (Of course this was not the first time, nor the last, that she did what I wanted and the result turned out horribly wrong and she then blamed me for having poor judgment in the first place.)

I hated my hair!  I wanted to crawl in a hole and die!  I was convinced that with the new haircut, I looked exactly like Christopher Columbus!  Yes, really!

Of course at the time, I had only seen a cartoon drawing of the globetrotting explorer.  But nonetheless, for months until my hair grew back out, I just knew I was Christopher Columbus’ doppelganger, and absolutely no one could convince me otherwise.  Can you see the similarity?

Cartoon Christopher Columbus… See the similarities?

It wasn’t actually until today when I looked up his picture for this post, that I saw an actual painting of him that I realized we didn’t actually look alike at all.  If only they had the internet back when I was six.

Real Columbus. If only I would’ve known.

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26 thoughts on “Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

  1. Laughing. I was not allowed to have long hair until I was in Jr. High. I had thick wavy hair, and wore bangs. My mother, in aid of saving a trip to the stylist, would cut my bangs while they were wet after a bath. When the hair dried, it curled up and the bangs were extremely short for that time in history and I was always so embarrassed.

    Love the picture of you when you were little.

  2. I can so relate to this story! In 3rd grade I had hair to the back of my knees when I decided that it had to go. The resulting shoulder-grazing disaster made even my own father laugh at me. Ugh, then the crooked & much too short bang trims were administered by my mother much more frequently than they needed to be. How did we ever make it out of childhood with our sanity & self-confidence intact? Oh wait… 😉

  3. What a nightmare for you Rachel. I think, as girls, we all had dramatic haircut experiences! Your grandma sounds like an awesome lady though (letting you make decisions about your hair and other things.) Sometimes that’s the best way, and only way to learn, don’t you think?
    Diana xo

  4. I think it was pretty awful that your grandma would yank your hair back in a ponytail so hard that your follicles would bleed. I’ll be flummoxed. I’ve never heard of bleeding follicles, Rachel. That’s a pretty hard ponytail yank.

    And to top it off with that bangs shear after the hair cut! Pure treachery!

    Seriously, now.

    In both photos, you are a little cutie.

    And then you totally hijacked this post with some off-the-wall thought that you looked like a cartoon Christopher Columbus. What?! No, you didn’t!

    Too funny, Rachel. Too. Damn. Funny.

    • LOL! If you would have told my grandma she was abusing me, she would have laughed and said, “Oh, Bosh!” then she would have pulled my hair harder just to show me how “not hard” it was before. She was weird that way (among others) LOL!

      Thank you, Mark! 😀

  5. OMGosh Rachel! You were the most adorable kid! 🙂 I remember my mom not liking to get the tangles out of my hair because it was so fine and tangled so easily. She used eggs, mayonnaise, you name it. That was so disgusting! Then she began to take me in to get it cut. I mean cut as in SHORT! I hated it and felt so ugly and like such a boy. On the days I knew it was haircut day, I would run and hide under the end table when I heard my mom coming. Yeah…that never worked. She found me. I totally forgot about that “wonderful” memory until I read your post. haha!

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