You Did What?

We’ve been talking lately about truth being stranger than fiction.  And this week, I’ve been telling you about my sister’s sleepwalking escapades.  Yesterday, I told you how my sister is not normally an aggressive person when she’s awake and that stress often triggers her sleepwalking.

Well, a couple of years after yesterday’s adventure, we were living back in Florida.  Michelle worked for an attorney that was, shall we say, the epitome of the reason they make bad attorney jokes.  Her boss was persistently a dill weed, and daily, she’d come home nearly in tears.

Personally, I’m one who, if you’re not going to do anything to help yourself out of a bad situation, I don’t care to hear you complain about it.  So I told her, “You were looking for a job when you found that one.  Either tell your boss how you feel and hope that he changes, or quit and find something else.  It’s that simple.”  She insisted that was impossible and that I didn’t understand.  And she ended up as angry with me as she was with her boss.

The next morning, I woke up late.  As I arose, I noticed my scissors were lying on the dresser by my bed, and were not where I normally kept them.  I assumed one of my kids had used them and never gave them another thought.

rosannadannaI had to be somewhere, and I was late.  So instead of my normal morning routine, I brushed my teeth and threw my hair in a ponytail without combing it.  (My hair is long and very thick and wavy, so I sometimes don’t brush it anyway, because when I do, I tend to look like Gilda Radner’s “Saturday Night Live” character, Roseanne Roseannadanna, if she had orange hair. — The point being, this was not unusual for me to forego the hairbrush.)

I left and went about my business for several hours.  Then on my way home, I was stuck in traffic.  I looked in the rearview mirror and saw a few odd pieces of short hair sticking straight up from my ponytail.  I took out the rubber band and felt the back of my head, only to discover that I was bald!  Okay, I wasn’t technically bald, but there was a section of my hair about the size of the diameter of a large orange that was cut to the scalp!  (Yes, really!)  Luckily, as I said, I have thick hair, so if I wore it down, the top part covered it.  But I was mortified!

It was at that point that I remembered the misplaced scissors, and when I got home, I rightfully accused Michelle of giving me a haircut in my sleep.  Of course she didn’t think she could ever be guilty of such an act of violence, but just one day later when we had to have our landlord out to snake the toilet in her bathroom, he found handfuls upon handfuls of my hair!  It took another year for me to even be able to go get a professional haircut and get it somewhat “fixed.”  Lesson learned: I now lock my door at night!

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What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?  Are you sure the barber or stylist was actually awake when they did it?

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35 thoughts on “You Did What?

  1. Oh no!! That’s really terrible and yes, I’d say it’s smart to lock your door at night to protect you from night mischief of the the sleepwalker. Ugh. Now I feel like you definitely should write a novel on it – maybe a fun/funny YA novel (or younger) on all the trouble a sleepwalker gets into. :p

  2. You’re sister is scary! Shy and demure by day and scary as heck by night… You slept through getting your hair cut off close to the scalp – you’re a solid sleeper!

  3. Movie rights! Movie rights! Make sure you get a sweet deal, Rachel. It’s even better visually than literally, and I always like the book better than the film. These tales, though, both!

  4. A) I totally agree with them all. Make either a novel series that follows the antics of your family in either an old creaky haunted house (Think…Monticello, Florida setting. Man I loved that place), a plantation is Louisiana, or a suburban cul-de-sac like Desperate Housewives where you become too paranoid to look neighbors in the eye ball. OOOhhh…

    B) My worst haircut was similar, except my friend talked me into the “pro’s” chair. I have very thick wavy hair and am a slightly heavy woman of Irish/Sioux heritage so you can imagine the princess on Brave with slightly darker hair and you’re there…The woman gave me pixie haircut complete with asymmetrical bangs and zig zag sideburns. I was mortified for weeks.

    • A) LOL! I think that would be fun! 😀

      B) Oh, no! 😦 I hope it grew back quickly!
      I went for a “trim” a couple of years ago and lost about 16 inches and ended up looking like Peppermint Patty! LOL! Yes, really! It was awful!

      • Ohmygoodness! Mine took about a year and two other ‘evening outs’ to get back to just below shoulder length. I didn’t keep any pictures from that time frame…

      • Well for the future, I have found that if you take a Vitamin A&D (one gel capsule, not two separate ones) every day, it helps your hair grow MUCH faster. Hopefully you won’t need that kind of help again. 🙂

  5. Oh, Rachel!! Nobody can top your stories. Seriously.

    The worst hair cut I had, my stylist was, sadly, awake. I think I would have felt better about it if they hadn’t been.

    I was in kindergarten and I had beautiful brown hair all the way to my butt. According to my mom, I wanted it cut in the worst way, so she indulged me. By getting me a BOWL CUT!! Ugh. For months after that, people thought I was a boy.

    Now I tell my mom that she should have ignored me and let me keep my hair. I was only 5. What did I know?

    • Oh, no! My grandma did the same thing to me… I was 4 and claimed I wanted my hair cut, so she listened to me! YIKES! It went from long to my butt to a short bob with bangs. I remember leaving the salon crying and saying I looked like Christopher Columbus!! (What a weird thing for a kid to say!) LOL! Sheesh! 😀

  6. Rachel, I want that book! You just have to write it. Your sister is so funny and scary at the same time I don’t know if I would want to be in the same city with her.

    My worst haircut? I’ve had so many. Probably the one my evil big brother gave me under the street lamp when I was 2 or 3, and my hair had just started growing in. He used my paper doll scissors and sawed off little tufts of my cotton puff hair, and I was punished for it by losing my scissors when mom got home. Mom told me I was a bad influence on him. Whimper, I didn’t ask to be born the day after Christmas. It wasn’t my fault she and dad………

  7. “Personally, I am one who, if you’re not going to do anything to help yourself out of a bad situation, I don’t care to hear you complain about it.” MEEEEEEEE TOO!!!!!!! Just had to get that out. But discovering an orange-sized section of hair was gone (WITH SCISSORS! SHARP POINTY SCISSORS!)…yes, I agree with other commenters that you could totally write a horror story about this. Interestingly enough, my husband just semi-sleepwalked into the kitchen and ate a Twix bar…I mentioned my sleepwalking in a previous post, but at least he only does it when he gets the munchies!!!!! -Kate

      • The best part is the next day when he gets mad and accuses me of eating the last Reese’s Peanut-Butter Egg (or whatever) and I respond with an “OH YEAH?!? Well I’ll pull out my iPhone and record you snarfling it down next time!!!” That usually hushes him up.

      • LOL! Good for you! It might be fun just to get a nanny cam set up and don’t tell him. In fact, I might want to do that with my sister, too. 🙂

  8. I would hate to meet your sister ‘once upon a full moon.’ Does she go on the missing list at such times? In answer to your question I did – just the once die my hair when I noticed a little grey appearing. Shirley was away at the time – I got the instructions all arse about face and ended up looking like the stereotypical American game show host. It was a hot summers day and that evening England were playing a World Cup match which I had planned to watch down the pub with chums. I looked such a twat I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house – either that evening or for the next few days. Great post, as ever.

      • She laughed – as I had left the dye on for so long my hair was jet black (looked like I was swearing a plastic hair mould). By the time she got back I had washed it a thousand times.

      • Hahahaa! It does sound like you looked like a game show host! LOL! Did you tell her over the phone or did she come home to a complete surprise?

  9. Pingback: Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! | Rachel Carrera, Novelist

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